PAULA HAS A SHINY NEW BLOG

MUSIC: The Hidden Cameras - Steal All You Can Motherfucker

Okay, so.
Paula decided to get a BLOGGER account, because the only other person with a LiveJournal account is Nicole. And Paula reaaaaaally likes to blog. So let's see if she can manage 2 big fancy blogs.

This is a big, long introductory post. Feel free to skip it :)

Umm... All of my finals are condensed into next week. That really sucks. I have to study my butt off this week. LIKE SO I HAVE NO BUTT. And that's particularily lame because one of my ALL TIME FAVORITE BANDS is playing at the Grand tommorow night, and I can't go because I have to study. And tickets are totally availible, and I can totally afford it. LAME. And as a final kick to the teeth, I am sick beyond all recognition. It's almost 8:30 and I'm getting ready for bed. I am so ill, it's really terrible. I'm upset. And worried for finals. And sick. And upset. This SUCKS.

I'm also a loner, because I only know like 5 people at my university. *whine* It's like worse than going anywhere new, because in all locations EXCEPT Calgary, I have like 10 friends awaiting me with open arms. University is a super difficult adjustment. I'm having a hard time finding a way to spend my spare time, not that there's much of it. In between classes is okay, because I'm a huge gym-rat, but it's still kind of weird, because upon emerging from the gym, I don't know what to do. So, I kill an hour or an hour and a half at the gym, but then I still have two hours with nothing to do! From there it's pretty much just waiting around to find something else to do, or to run into someone to do something with. I know I should spend the time to study, and I usually do, but I kind of want my acidemic career to be a little bit more than just STUDY STUDY STUDY. University is supposed to be that amazing time where you work hard and party lots. I've just been working hard. It's quite hard to meet people. Damnit, I should have gone to ACAD. At least I'd ENJOY studying art.

Ooooooh... I'm super worried about getting my essay back.... :S

Okay, I've gotten all of my useless whining out of the way here. I hate ending things on a sour note, because I am a perky, positive girl. So, I whined and whined for my first two paragraphs, and now I have some positive paragraphs! On the plus side, the right side of my brain is absolutely thriving! I've seemingly become this wonderfully creative person in recent days. It's fanatastic. I've been teaching myself to play guitar, and it's being going really well. I've been quite excited about learning for a while, but I'm finally making progress, after 2 or 3 years of trying and trying. I really hope I can stay motivated, because while it's frustrating to learn an instrument by yourself, it can be really rewarding. I can sing and play at the same time! I'm so proud! My goal is to be able to play Open Mic Night at the House with Beth soon... We're going to try to set up a band again. Our last one didn't work out, but it's super awesome that she's still a motivated kid who wants to be in a band. :)

I'm quite proud of myself for starting up with my art again. It's really nice to be out of Westmount for that reason. I'm not saying I don't miss Westmount like crazy (which I do.... most of it... I don't miss Marek..... I mean, I do see him every day... but that's not why I don't miss him :P), because I really do miss Westmount, but I'm happy that I'm out of that artistic environment. I almost stopped drawing because of the immense negative feedback from one student. Everytime I would draw something, he would tell me how much I suck compared to him, or Nicole, or Rita, or Mr. Crooks, or anyone. And just little comments about how I wasn't and could never be a serious artist. There is a fine, fine line between an insult and a critique, but I promice you, it was extremely insulting. Positive people like Nicole and Rita would occasionally point out if I had fucked up on proportion or color or my backwards thumb guy (:D), but it would never be malicious. It really hurt when this person would say stuff like that, and I lost all passion for art, and stopped drawing. Nowadays, however, I have a new outlook. I've been drawing a lot more and I've become extremely proud about my art. It's really been improving, and I have no one to tell me I suck. Nicole still critiques my stuff, but it's HELPFUL critisism. It's nice to be able to draw for me and not have anyone be rude. I adore art and I would very much enjoy for it to contribute to my income someday, and I can't go a day without doing it now. So, I guess I'm just saying that I'm very thankful for the release of this negative force from my life.

I'd also like to say how much I appriciate my friends right now. They're all across the world right now, so that's a little bit hard, but whenever they come home, it's really nice to see them. I guess you never really appriciate things until they leave you, or just leave you temporarily! Last year was difficult, I had a lot of ups and downs with friends, but I thankfully emerged feeling fine because of the true friends that I do have. I think last year was particularily hard because I went through an extremely hard time with one of my best friends, who decided they didn't like me anymore. That person gave me no reason or anything, but it was extremely difficult watching one of my best friendships fall completly apart. It absolutely devestated me for about six months, and I just had the hardest time. It's so hard when you're used to seeing a person every day, having so many inside jokes, having so much fun together, having the best time of your life, and then it all falling apart for reasons you don't know, don't understand or can't figure out. It was extremely taxing to have that huge source of negativity in my life at a time where change was immenent, but I'm so fortunate I had other friends there for me. I didn't talk much about that issue, I mean, it bugged me beyond all recognition and I'm foolishly still trying to repair it, but I didn't feel worthless as a friend or a person after long. I had the wonderful influence of my awesome morning spare friends, my awesome English AP friends, my awesome Western IB friends, my awesome Summerstock friends,my AWEEEEESOOOOMEEEEEEE boyfriend, my awesome friend who was in Spain but now is not, and my awesome family. It goes such a long way to realise that just because one friendship doesn't work out, it doesn't mean that all friendships won't work out. And I've become more open to so many people who I never realised I could be so close with until grade 12. So many people have been so kind to me, and chances are, if you're reading this, I probably love you more than anything.

Okay, It's almost 9:00. This short post turned very quickly into a super long post. I'm sick. I should have gone to sleep an hour ago.